3 Tips For Handling Disagreements Like Healthy Couples Do

As much as we hate conflict in our relationships, they are almost impossible to avoid. In fact, if you aren’t having any kind of conflict something is seriously wrong.

Either one of you is too afraid to share your opinion. Or, one of you is keeping the other one shut out and that’s a whole different conversation.   

But, we’ll save that one for another day.

Right now, I want to help you understand why conflict is so important for your relationship and give you 3 techniques to handle them successfully.  

Conflict in a relationship isn’t just inevitable – it’s actually healthy for the relationship’s growth.


We’ll for one… it makes you feel better.

It’s good to release that pressure and anxiety instead of keeping things bottled up. The key is to let it out (respectfully, of course), handle it and move on.

Another reason conflict is healthy is because it gives you a deeper look into how you both really feel about a particular topic/subject/situation.  Some couples are together for so long that they start to think they’re each other’s replicas, but they aren’t. It is important to maintain your individuality and sense of identity in a relationship.

You are different people, with different backgrounds, different viewpoints, different genetic makeup, and different everything ☺!

Conflict reminds both of you that you are unique individuals. And, if you let it…great ideas and solutions can come out of conflict.

Those are the benefits of conflict. However, what makes conflict an ass chap is how two people with unique views of the world handle it.  Therefore, I want to make sure you’re prepared for the difficult moments ahead.

Here are 3 steps I recommend for you to use when handling conflict with your partner: 

Face Disagreements Head On

Step 1. Face Your Disagreements Head-On

As soon as things get heated, do you try to avoid it? While I do believe in allowing a “cool off” period when emotions get high, I don’t recommend using that as an excuse to dodge the topic all together.

It’s best to face your disagreement head on, that way it’s not a ticking time bomb waiting to explode unexpectedly on your partner.

One of the actions you can take when you’re feeling angry or cornered are to take a serious of deep breaths. This will give time and headspace before you say something you could regret later. Secondly, establish a safe word that both of you can use when one of you isn’t feeling heard or angered.

Most importantly, stay with it. Don’t let the conflict get swept under the rug. But, don’t beat a dead horse either. If you see that you’re not getting anywhere, agree to revisit it again at a later date.


Step 2. Avoid Sentences That Begin With “But”

You’re probably thinking, “What does the word ‘but’ have to do with anything?” Trust me, a lot. In a sentence, the word “but” usually comes right before criticism.  For example, “The chicken tastes great, BUT, you added too much salt.” Or, “You put the kids to bed on time, BUT you didn’t brush their hair.” That pause in the sentence that comes right after the praise and right before the ‘but” braces the other person for criticism. This usually just devalues the praise all together.

Try this… flip the sentence around. Tell them exactly what you’re thinking right off instead of trying to soften the blow. Example, “The kids went to bed without their hair being brushed, but I’m so impressed that you got them to bed on time. You’re awesome!” This leaves them with a positive taste in their mouth. Next time, they’ll happily remember to brush their hair just for those extra points!  


Step 3. Be Aware Of Your Words

You never want to come across as demanding or critical in a conversation because that won’t get you anywhere. So, be mindful of the words you use and how you say them.  

Start off by letting them know what you’re getting ready to talk about, as this will remove the element of surprise. Then take the pressure off them by letting them know that your feelings about the situation is what you want to discuss. For example, instead of saying “You’re not initiating enough sex with me anymore. Why do I always have to initiate with you first?” You’d say, “I want to share with you how I’m feeling about our sex life lately.” This takes blame off of them, creating a safer and vulnerable environment for them to listen and interact.  

Disagreements will inevitably pop up. But, if you apply the 3 tips above, you can work out your differences with no love lost.  

If you’re experiencing challenges in your relationship and starting to feel a wedge growing between you and your partner, grab a copy of my #1 best seller, Relationship SOS. It will give you the blueprint to get your marriage back on track.

Looking for personalized relationship mentoring? Don’t hesitate to schedule a complimentary consultation with me.

Now, I want to hear from you.

How do you normally handle conflict with your partner? Does it work?

Which one of the techniques above are you going to start using first?

Share with me in the comments below!

You may also like

  • total-package

    Those who get the Total Dating Concierge package have put all games aside and are ready to find THE ONE. This extraordinary service out performs any dating concierge service on the market.

    This isn’t for the client who’s not ready to commit. If you’re under this package, you’re in an exclusive position of being among the only clientele who receives a customized dating strategy and execution plan from the Love Scientist herself.

    You’ll receive everything offered in the Be Noticed package, plus:

    • Unlimited email + text coaching
    • Customized online searches, curating + qualifying of matches
    • Messaging + correspondence to quality matches
    • Weekly dating log
    • Date night planning map
    • Your own professional team guiding you every step of the way

    With the Total Dating Concierge package, you can expect love to be knocking on your door steps in no time. Just as in the The Starter and Be Noticed package, Total Dating Concierge clients are thoroughly pleased because of the powerful change it has on their love life.

  • The Starter

    The Starter package is designed for clients who enjoy the thrill of hunting for love themselves. They’ve got the energy to search and converse on their own, but want an exceptional profile to help them stand out. Likely, this is someone who’s entering the online dating world for the first time and wants to experience what it’s all about. Or, this may be someone who just wants to test the waters first before going all in.

    With The Starter, you’ll receive an intimate 60-minute love strategy session via phone where we evaluate where you are now vs. where you want to be. This is to ensure you have the most successful dating experiences possible on your own. Imagine… waking up knowing you have control over the kind of online dating experiences you’re going to have. With the Starter, that can happen. In addition to your love strategy session, you get a 60-minute style session where you discover how to represent yourself online in the best way possible. Plus, with the Personalized Dating Map and Personalized online dating site selection, you’ll have the perfect blue print to go after your dating goals confidently. If you decide on this package, you’ll be pleased with:

    • A polished digital presence
    • Compelling new profile write-up
    • Insider fashion secrets to look stunning both online and offline

    The Starter is delivered via phone and online video where you’ll have opportunities to ask questions and receive golden advice from the experts.

  • be-noticed

    This package is designed for clients who are ready to pick up the pace in their dating life. You’re at a place where you’re seriously ready to settle down and possibly even get married. The dating scene (both online and offline) has gotten old to you and all you want to do now is share your time, energy and joy with someone else. Since you haven’t made it happen on your own yet, you need a deliberate, systematic, and intuitive approach to make it happen.

    With our Be Noticed package, you get everything that you’d get in The Starter package plus more personalized coaching along with a crystal clear plan of action. With the personalized coaching, you’ll have someone in your corner to help you navigate the dating site you’re on. Your coach will show you what to look for in profiles, types of questions to ask, and how to *really* read online communications.

    This is a more hands-on, personalized level established for clients who are ready to find the love of their dreams. Your clear action plan will include:

    • Strategies on how to expand your reach both online and offline
    • A personalized Dating card to make you stand out from the masses
    • Support from our experts when you need it

    You will receive eye-opening advice on what’s most crucial in your love life right now from the Love Scientist herself, Michelle. Her “no nonsense” feedback will help you to know exactly what to do next in order to successfully find love. The best part is you’ll be kept on track to complete the steps via your month long coaching sessions.