Is ‘Ghosting’ the New Word for ‘Coward’ (Ladies Included)?

If you’ve ever tried online dating, I’m sure you’ve been “ghosted” at least once…maybe twice.

Not sure what “ghosting” is?

It’s when someone cuts all ties of communication with the person they’ve been dating (or chatting online) without any explanation. Cold turkey.

Why would anyone do that?

Apparently, ghosting serves to “save” the other person by “sparing” their feelings.

There is a belief in today’s dating culture that ghosting someone is a good alternative to actually showing up to a scheduled date. The “ghoster” believes it’s just easier to disappear than to supposedly hurt the other person’s feelings… They’re simply afraid of telling you the truth.


You know what that sounds like to me…an excuse to be a coward. People who ghost their dates are afraid of owning their decision and their actions.

On one level, I get it.

Most people don’t want to face the music and answer this one, very real, question – “Why don’t you want to be with me?” or “What did I do wrong?” Trust me, I know firsthand that it’s sometimes easier to avoid dealing with our own social discomfort than to answer direct questions that strike at the heart of our insecurities. But, most times the “ghoster” doesn’t realize the confusion and uncertainty their behavior creates.

It leaves the other person not knowing how to react because they don’t know what really happened.

Damages of Ghosting

Research shows that ghosting someone can deal a devastating emotional blow to the one ghosted, ultimately damaging their self-esteem. This form of social rejection activates the same pathways in the brain as what one experiences from physical pain, in addition to also creating feelings of betrayal.

Think of it like this…

Imagine you were friends with someone since you were kids, and once in high school they began treating you like they never knew you. I bet you’d be left wondering, “what did I do wrong”, and “why am I not good enough anymore for them”.

So, the next time you’re thinking of ghosting someone, try this instead:

#1 – Ask yourself, “How would I feel if this person (or someone I liked) did the same thing to me?”

When we ask ourselves this question, we’re no longer taking a selfish approach because we’re now putting ourselves in the other person’s position.

#2 – Write 2-3 sentences on why don’t you want to be involved with that person anymore.

When we gain clarity on why we’re no longer interested in being involved with the other person – so clear that you can narrow it down to 2-3 sentences — it takes the pressure off from explaining it to them without prior rehearsal. Plus, writing it out helps us get clear on why we’re breaking up the relationship in the first place.

#3 – Stand in front of the mirror and practice what you’re going to say.

Now it’s time for your big rehearsal. Trust me, doing this at least once in the mirror is better than just doing it for the first time when you talk to that person. Practicing in the mirror will help you warm up to what you’re going to say.

#4 – Be brave – pick up the phone (or setup a coffee visit) and share your thoughts with them.

This is the toughest part, I know, but I know you can do it. Now that you’re clear on what you want to say to the other person, and have practiced it, now you’ve got to pick up the phone and let them know what you’re feeling. If it feels better to do it in person, that’s okay too.

Be Prepared

Be prepared for any response. They may go quiet. They may hang up or, if you’re in person, they may get up and leave. They may cry. Or, they may admit they’ve been feeling the same way, too. Whatever the reaction, it’s better to be bold and face the situation than disappearing them without a trace.

Ghosting someone doesn’t give the other person an opportunity to ask questions, or gather information in order to emotionally process the experience.

“What If I Get Ghosted?”

How do you move past getting ghosted?

It’s important to remember that we have no control over another person’s behavior; we can only only control our own. Most people aren’t as educated as you are now on why ghosting someone is emotionally damaging, and cowardly. So, unfortunately, you’re still very likely to come across a “ghoster” in your online dating journey.

Their decision to ghost you doesn’t have anything to do with you as a person or how worthy you are of being in a loving relationship. Stay focused on you, and on what makes you happy. Do NOT allow a coward to ruin love for you.

You may also like

  • total-package

    Those who get the Total Dating Concierge package have put all games aside and are ready to find THE ONE. This extraordinary service out performs any dating concierge service on the market.

    This isn’t for the client who’s not ready to commit. If you’re under this package, you’re in an exclusive position of being among the only clientele who receives a customized dating strategy and execution plan from the Love Scientist herself.

    You’ll receive everything offered in the Be Noticed package, plus:

    • Unlimited email + text coaching
    • Customized online searches, curating + qualifying of matches
    • Messaging + correspondence to quality matches
    • Weekly dating log
    • Date night planning map
    • Your own professional team guiding you every step of the way

    With the Total Dating Concierge package, you can expect love to be knocking on your door steps in no time. Just as in the The Starter and Be Noticed package, Total Dating Concierge clients are thoroughly pleased because of the powerful change it has on their love life.

  • The Starter

    The Starter package is designed for clients who enjoy the thrill of hunting for love themselves. They’ve got the energy to search and converse on their own, but want an exceptional profile to help them stand out. Likely, this is someone who’s entering the online dating world for the first time and wants to experience what it’s all about. Or, this may be someone who just wants to test the waters first before going all in.

    With The Starter, you’ll receive an intimate 60-minute love strategy session via phone where we evaluate where you are now vs. where you want to be. This is to ensure you have the most successful dating experiences possible on your own. Imagine… waking up knowing you have control over the kind of online dating experiences you’re going to have. With the Starter, that can happen. In addition to your love strategy session, you get a 60-minute style session where you discover how to represent yourself online in the best way possible. Plus, with the Personalized Dating Map and Personalized online dating site selection, you’ll have the perfect blue print to go after your dating goals confidently. If you decide on this package, you’ll be pleased with:

    • A polished digital presence
    • Compelling new profile write-up
    • Insider fashion secrets to look stunning both online and offline

    The Starter is delivered via phone and online video where you’ll have opportunities to ask questions and receive golden advice from the experts.

  • be-noticed

    This package is designed for clients who are ready to pick up the pace in their dating life. You’re at a place where you’re seriously ready to settle down and possibly even get married. The dating scene (both online and offline) has gotten old to you and all you want to do now is share your time, energy and joy with someone else. Since you haven’t made it happen on your own yet, you need a deliberate, systematic, and intuitive approach to make it happen.

    With our Be Noticed package, you get everything that you’d get in The Starter package plus more personalized coaching along with a crystal clear plan of action. With the personalized coaching, you’ll have someone in your corner to help you navigate the dating site you’re on. Your coach will show you what to look for in profiles, types of questions to ask, and how to *really* read online communications.

    This is a more hands-on, personalized level established for clients who are ready to find the love of their dreams. Your clear action plan will include:

    • Strategies on how to expand your reach both online and offline
    • A personalized Dating card to make you stand out from the masses
    • Support from our experts when you need it

    You will receive eye-opening advice on what’s most crucial in your love life right now from the Love Scientist herself, Michelle. Her “no nonsense” feedback will help you to know exactly what to do next in order to successfully find love. The best part is you’ll be kept on track to complete the steps via your month long coaching sessions.