Does Your Past Affect Your Present Relationships?


So we’re all adults here, you’ve seen a thing or two in your time and have had some experiences, which means any intimate relationship you enter, there is a good chance you bring some emotional baggage with you. We all have it, no matter who you are; this baggage can be from your childhood, adolescence, or previous relationships. The truth is our past experiences shape our thoughts and beliefs, on a conscious and subconscious level. We grow and develop from these experiences and the hope is that what we learn from them allows us to avoid making similar mistakes.

Sounds good right? Let’s find out.

Well these past experiences and the impressions that they make on us are all designed to ultimately protect us. However, the problem arises when they hinder you rather than help you. When you take this emotional baggage and choose to compound it rather than unload it, you restrict yourself from moving forward in healthy relationships. For many, their emotional baggage stems from childhood and the relationships with their parents. The fact is the relationship that you have with your parents is the first intimate relationship most of us have. It is during this critical time in one’s development that all this emotional baggage begins to form from our perceived unmet needs and unresolved issues. The challenge is that at this tender time most children are unable to process these feelings and therefore they begin to associate these negative feelings with themselves on an unconscious level, beyond standard awareness.

We look to our parents as role models, to teach us the ins and outs of relationships between men and women. But if your parents don’t have a healthy, happy, solid relationship then your views of what a relationship should be will vary.

Now, once you meet someone you’re interested in having a relationship with, the issue becomes that you have two conflicting views on what a relationship should look like. Some people, in adult life, will find a distant or critical mate, fall “in love”, and then attempt to change this person.  And if by some chance they find a loving, accepting partner, then they are more likely to become critical and distant themselves, repeating a vicious cycle. The fact of the matter is that people show you all the time who they really are… We just simply choose not to see it. You can never make someone what you want them to be…. It just doesn’t work like that! What you can do is recognize when and how your past affects your partnership. Being conscious is the first step!

Here are a few more tips for leaving the past behind to grow and tend the relationship you’re in:

  • Journaling is a great way to express your thoughts and feelings without being judged. After you feel you are done purging then burn the journal as a symbol of releasing and letting go.
  • Hire a coach or mentor who can help you work through these internal conflicts and support you on this journey

Life happens but it’s all about how you deal with it that will elevate you and your relationships. I would love to support you on this journey, schedule your 30-minute consultation and let’s have a personal conversation. 

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